The Missing Piece to Your Breakthrough: Identity

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Transcript

[00:00:00] One of the things I've struggled with personally is I didn't know what the heck identity was. Like my 

[00:00:04] child has never been able to celebrate their birthday because they've always had reactions and parents be so grateful and crying over the fact that their child could celebrate their third or fourth birthday.

[00:00:14] You can have the exact same teleprompter script. How come one person will crush it and the other person sucks at it? You have to become magnetic, but the only way you're gonna become magnetic to people is if you truly know who you are. It's like you can have. Every tactic, there's something magnetic when somebody knows their identity.

[00:00:28] That leads to the marketing stuff working better or use like whatever communication strategies to actually get someone to trust you in the first place. But it starts with knowing who you are. Actually, your business would grow faster if you were just a magnetic human being.

[00:00:46] What is up family? Welcome back to another episode of The Profitable Chiro Network, and I'm your host, Dr. Daniel. I have my beautiful wife back again. Hello. Today with me. This is Heather. Everyone knows her. We know that she's the [00:01:00] favorite and that's okay. So we are gonna talk about identity today. And what, I kind of wanna just smash the myth.

[00:01:09] I think there are so many people. Not just in chiropractic, but I think practitioners in general, I think people in general think that the move in life is more ads and more marketing and more new patients and more whatever. Sure. But I don't really agree with that. I think there's, I think those are all tactics.

[00:01:31] Mm-hmm. But if you don't have an identity. And understanding what identity is, then like all the tactics are gonna work no matter who you are. 

[00:01:37] Identity as a person or identity within your practice. 

[00:01:41] I think identity as a person. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because if your identity, I'm just learning this, so this is new for me, but like I'm learning that I identity.

[00:01:50] Isn't. It has nothing to do with practice. So if I attach my identity to what somebody thinks about how I adjust them or the results that somebody gets when I'm adjusting them, or my [00:02:00] brand Nexus, or even my Instagram followers or like you could attach your identity to what your kids think about you or how you parent, or what kind of car you drive, or what kind of clothes you wear.

[00:02:10] I think people get attached to things. Yeah. That they think iden that. They think define their identity. Mm-hmm. Like, I'm a mom, 

[00:02:19] I'm 

[00:02:19] a spouse, I'm a, 

[00:02:22] et cetera, et cetera. 

[00:02:23] And if we attach those to. Other things. Mm-hmm. So there's like a hierarchy, right? And this is what Joshua talks about. First is self. So the base of the pyramid, the most important is focusing on self.

[00:02:33] So self being like you have to know who your God-given identity, what your God-given identity is. And it's different and unique for every person. 

[00:02:41] How many people do you think really know what their God-given identity is? 

[00:02:45] I think very few. Yeah? Yeah. Like the 

[00:02:46] percentage is extremely small 

[00:02:48] because I, yeah.

[00:02:49] Because I think that if you ask most people, Hey, what's your identity? Or what's your purpose? They would be like, oh, I'm a chiropractor. Oh, I'm a business owner. Right? And I'm like, well, you're attaching your identity [00:03:00] to something like your job. That's not eternal, right? It's a job. Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:04] It's a vocation.

[00:03:04] Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:04] But your identity is way more than that, for sure. Um, and I'll talk about what components make up an identity at the end so you can kind of get a grasp on like, these are the things that I should be seeking out. But I think everybody has a unique passion. Everybody has a unique purpose that God gave them.

[00:03:19] And there's a specific reason why people were called here. Hmm. To do what they're doing. And this is what, like, I know the argument out there is that like you shouldn't have a personality based practice. And I'm not saying that you should, but if you don't understand your identity. Then you're gonna try to show up like everybody else.

[00:03:37] And the problem with that is you can't serve at the highest level possible. 

[00:03:40] Right. You won't be able to attract the people that you need to attract in your life to be able to fulfill that purpose. 

[00:03:46] Yep, exactly. And I could use the example, we can talk about practice in a minute, but I could talk about at home.

[00:03:51] Mm-hmm. For instance. So if my identity is rooted in what you think about me. And like my inability to dress up nicely because I [00:04:00] only like to wear Henley's because what I like to wear, I'm using a silly example. I'm not even saying you really care that much, but if I'm insecure about it, yeah. I'm rooting my identity in someone else.

[00:04:09] Sure. And what someone else thinks about me. And so therefore, like I can't be entrusted with certain things because I don't have a certainty in myself. Mm. So then how's that gonna show up in my marriage? How's that gonna show up in my relationship with Coco? How's that gonna show up in my business? If I'm worried about what my wife thinks about me then, and I'm not saying there's not a time and a place for that, but God-given identity.

[00:04:32] You just get to the place where you don't care. Because what you ultimately realize is that you are loved, that you are cared for, that you are enough, that Jesus died on the cross for our sins as us. God looks at us just like he did Jesus. And if we don't have that foundation that we are all called here for something very specific, then I think that we get rooted in other things and it messes up.

[00:04:57] Mm-hmm. 

[00:04:58] What do you think so far? 

[00:04:59] Yeah. No, [00:05:00] that's good. 

[00:05:00] Um. So, you know, I could use a million examples. I would love to, I know I asked you this before, would you be interested in sharing like, your story of just kind of the journey with Kayla? Um, so Heather had a coach. Just for anybody listening who may not know the full story, but I would love to just kind of share.

[00:05:16] 'cause I think it, I think it ties into identity because for a long time you always told me. Like, I'm just not a creative person. I don't have a creative brain. 

[00:05:24] Yeah. 

[00:05:24] So would you mind sharing like the story of what came a couple years ago? And I didn't know this by the way, so I felt like a crappy husband.

[00:05:31] Sure. As a result, so, yeah. 

[00:05:32] So, okay. Well, first. To share. The reason why you didn't know this for all those listening is because I didn't want to add a burden onto your life of like the stress of having to like take care of me in a different way or support me in a way that would take more energy and time away from like what you were already.

[00:05:53] Doing. Yeah. In life, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. You were already kind of like stressed out to the max. Yeah, so I didn't wanna [00:06:00] add to that. So I kept that from you for several months. Really just not feeling like I had a purpose in any capacity. I felt like I was literally just living to take care of Coco living, to take care of you and not like take care of you like you're my child, kind of thing.

[00:06:19] 'cause that's not. Um, the way our relationship typically is, but it was more of like, all I am doing is waking up. I'm working out, I am getting cocoa ready for school, or I'm getting ready for the office. All I do is laundry. All I do is cook. Like, just so monotonous. There was like no joy in what I was, um, doing in life.

[00:06:41] I just didn't feel like there was anything that was filling up my cup as. I guess you could say. So with that, I started like, just like thinking about what I needed to do moving forward. Mm-hmm. Um, my friend Shea and I were like talking and like [00:07:00] we, we prayed for each other at times and I was just like talking to her about, like, me feeling kind of stuck in life.

[00:07:06] And she had a word for me that God was like telling her. To tell me, like to sit, create, and give and like, I didn't know what that meant at the time, in any capacity. Eventually, um, I kind of like broke down and I was like, Hey, I'm not happy. I need to find something that like creates some joy for myself.

[00:07:26] And so I hired a life coach. Shout out to Kayla Hori. She's amazing. I loved her. She is, um, like focused on so much more than like. Just asking those. Mm-hmm. Regular questions, if that makes sense. So the first few times I sat with her, I, um, was actually kind of. Annoyed. Yeah, if you will. I, uh, I was getting really frustrated with the questions that she was asking me because it was forcing me to, um, ask questions that I knew I needed to be [00:08:00] asking that you had already been asking me.

[00:08:01] But like, you know, when you hear information from your spouse, it's like it's 

[00:08:06] never good. You never 

[00:08:07] take it that way, even though you know that it's true. 

[00:08:09] Yeah. Like how I would program workouts and you would be like. I'm not doing that 

[00:08:15] Well, that's just because you cherry picked for I know what you were good at.

[00:08:18] Say that. Yeah, 

[00:08:19] you always do. So, okay. So anyway, um, so it's hard 

[00:08:22] to always take like the advice from your spouse, I think personally. Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. Maybe that's just like our relationship, but I'm pretty sure we have heard that from other people as well's. 

[00:08:30] Everyone for sure. Yeah. 

[00:08:31] Um, so anyway, she was asking me these questions that were like really triggering for me at the time.

[00:08:37] And I think it's more so just because, like I knew so many things of what I didn't like. 

[00:08:42] Yeah. 

[00:08:43] As far as like things that didn't create joy for my life at all, but I couldn't figure out what I enjoyed doing. 

[00:08:49] What kind of questions was she asking you? Just outta curiosity, the ones that were triggering for you?

[00:08:53] I honestly couldn't tell you. I probably blocked them out intentionally at this time. Um, and it was also like several years ago. So [00:09:00] like, uh, I, I really. Can't remember anything. 

[00:09:04] Okay, so keep going then. 

[00:09:05] So created like lists of things we came down to, like the fact that I enjoy baking, which I really do enjoy baking, and I started talking to her about how like I have always had to modify a lot of.

[00:09:22] Recipes just because of the way we eat. Mm-hmm. Um, like we don't eat refined sugar. We don't eat seed oils. At the time, um, we were keeping gluten away from cocoa. You don't like to eat dairy. So like, I was having to modify so many different recipes for our own personal preferences. And so I just started like baking more consistently and thought, you know, like, well at Coco's.

[00:09:46] Birthday, I couldn't find anybody that could create what I'm creating for birthday celebrations in the area. Like why don't I just see if this would be of interest for other people. 

[00:09:56] Yep. 

[00:09:57] So, um. [00:10:00] Come to fruition organically. Yours. I started baking so much more offering, um, the sit, sitting down, talking with Kayla, create, creating the opportunities for like the cakes and the creativity within that.

[00:10:15] And then I was just like giving away so much cake. Mm-hmm. These, the first like eight to 10 months. You hated it and loved it at the same time? Yeah, it was 

[00:10:24] the best thing ever. I started counting my macros and Heather's like, I'm gonna start a cake business and guess who's gonna be my IT for you? You're, 

[00:10:30] yeah.

[00:10:31] So like all that's to say is like I was able to find something that I truly enjoyed and was also creating value for other people, which. Also added value to myself and my purpose. Yeah. Um, because like there are people that I've literally received messages from that they drive like two hours just to get a cake from me, but they're like, my child has never been able to celebrate their birthday because they've never [00:11:00] been able to eat this, this, and this.

[00:11:01] As far as like allergies and stuff. Yeah. And like they've always had reactions and like just hearing parents be so grateful and like. Crying over the fact that their child could celebrate their third or fourth birthday was like super special and honoring 

[00:11:17] and never been able to with like cupcakes or cakes.

[00:11:19] It was so special. Yeah, yeah. So cool. Um, and that's an impact, right? So like you could do that in a million different ways, but for you it just happened to be, and it, I think it's so interesting because you would actively tell me all the time is like, I'm not creative. 

[00:11:33] Oh yeah. I still probably feel like in deep in my soul I'm not very creative because I.

[00:11:39] Like there's a different creativity, but I think of like art all the time. 

[00:11:44] Yeah. You 

[00:11:44] know? But baking is an art 

[00:11:46] for sure. And a science. And that's what, that's what I think is cool is like when you think about identity. Mm-hmm. It's not like you have a creative, unique way of thinking and a unique way of eating that's different than like anyone else.

[00:11:59] And I think that's [00:12:00] where it gets special is because like it could be in cakes, it could be in something else. Sure. It's not cakes specifically. Right. But ultimately what you're doing, if we talk about identity. Is like you are serving people in a way that they wouldn't otherwise wouldn't be served. Yeah.

[00:12:13] Like, and some of these kids are testimonies and families and you know, somebody driving from LA to pick up a cake here is just like so humbling and so special and so cool. For sure. So, and like obviously I had those same things, right? So if we talk about business, I think that on a business front, you just kind of have to be.

[00:12:32] Like everybody wants the marketing strategies and the tactics, and they wanna know like, well, how do I communicate or give me the words. And I think personally, the reality is like I can give you all the words. Yeah. And you see this all the time. Like you see it in sales. A lot of people talk about it as like, how come one person can, you can have the exact same teleprompter script and one person will crush it and the other person sucks at it.

[00:12:54] Mm. And it goes back to what George and I talked about on the last episode of like this conviction and certainty. Yes. [00:13:00] But there's also a level of identity I think that comes into it. And like you have to become magnetic, but the only way you're gonna become magnetic to people is if you truly know who you are.

[00:13:08] For sure. And I think that's the most important thing to get from like this whole conversation is like you can have. Every tactic. I know so many people who they're like, I know, talk to people man in these practices and they have like 30, 40, 50 new patients a month, but they're like struggling. I. And I just don't understand how it's possible and so they can attract people then, but then there's nothing magnetic about them because they don't really know who they are in the first place.

[00:13:34] So people don't stick around because they don't like that. You'd like to be around people who are confident and are certain, and who know who they are, and they're just unapologetically themselves, like who God created them to be. 

[00:13:45] That also creates like within that the energy of like. Pure happiness and joy and you want to, most people want to just surround themselves with people that are like happy and have that higher frequency.

[00:13:58] Yeah, exactly. And it doesn't like my, I [00:14:00] always tell George and Wessis, I'm like, you don't have to come off as excited. Just fired up like I am your, but the convictions there that this is like the mo, it's just the coolest, most important thing and I get stoked about it. So it's like different varieties of the same thing?

[00:14:14] Yes, 

[00:14:14] but it gets down to, I think really is like there's something magnetic when somebody knows their identity and when they know their identity. Then that's kind of the game changer that leads to the marketing stuff working better and the being able to have a conversation in a different way or use like whatever communication strategies necessary to actually get someone to trust you in the first place.

[00:14:36] But it starts with knowing who you are. 

[00:14:39] Yeah. Because people are drawn to that authenticity and the truth that comes out of your mouth in that point. 

[00:14:45] Yeah, exactly. And authenticity's key. So then the question is like. Alright, to become magnetic, you have to understand your identity. But I think that one of the things I've struggled with personally is I didn't know what the heck identity was.

[00:14:56] Hmm. Like I thought, I legit thought if I have a successful business, [00:15:00] then like then. God's gonna be proud of me, or my parents are gonna be proud of me, or my wife's gonna be proud of me. But then that puts my identity in something that's here and not somewhere else physically 

[00:15:09] manifested. Yeah. 

[00:15:10] Yeah. And so, but that's like, again, if you think of the order we go, self is most important, and then after that you have marriage and then your prosperity, which would be your kids or your family members or whatever.

[00:15:20] Then business, then hobbies. So like I'm taking my business and I'm putting that as that's what defines my identity, but there's only a true identity of self. But most people ignore the self and they just try to build a huge business. 

[00:15:34] We have a running joke, um, within the two of us for like what your priorities were for the longest time, where when we first met, your priority was CrossFit, and then me, 

[00:15:47] no.

[00:15:48] Well, yeah. When we first met CrossFit and then Heather, 

[00:15:51] then we went to chiropractic school. It was CrossFit Chiropractic, then me. And then we moved out here. It was chiropractic surfing [00:16:00] than me, and then it switched to surfing and then me, and then slowly I've been moving back up, um, to like that higher level.

[00:16:10] But it, it has always been like something outside of who you are first. 

[00:16:17] Yeah. And now I'm starting to realize and then realize, well yeah, but like now I'm starting to realize that like, self has to come first. Yes. But not self in a selfish way. But self in the way that like I know who God says that I am.

[00:16:29] Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:30] And I think that's where people say, well, like my identity's in Christ and I know who God says I am. But I think there's another piece of it that's important and, but there's also the faith, the identity piece that comes with, and this is where the certainty comes in and the magnetism comes in.

[00:16:44] For someone to be able to trust you is like when you know what your identity is in Christ and you have faith. That he can do the thing that he promised you through you. 'cause most people don't have a belief in themselves. They're like, yeah, I [00:17:00] can never do X, Y, Z. And that's where like, that's where I'm really starting to work because then it's like, it's all about a higher power and something that you're given mm-hmm.

[00:17:08] On day one and who you're created to be. And all of us are unique and different. But we have to explore that first and then marriage comes second. 'cause if my marriage defines me, what happens if marriage goes away? Sure. Then I don't exist as a person anymore. I have no identity and I'm broken. Yeah. But those are, there should already be an identity, but nobody seeks it.

[00:17:26] They just want to go to three steps ahead and be like, gimme the marketing strategy. Show me how to run Facebook ads. And I'm like, actually, your business would grow faster if you were just a magnetic human being who knew exactly who you were and what you were called to do and you believed. That God could do it through you.

[00:17:40] I feel like that, that's also why, like talking about marketing and stuff, it like the scripts, they work, but they don't really work because you're not being true to who you are and like what you would really say within your identity. It's more of just like follow along with what worked for the original person that created that script.

[00:17:58] Yep. And [00:18:00] then hope that. Uh, you get the same results 

[00:18:02] and I think it can, but if you have a different level of certainty right, then that person is not gonna work in the first place. Yeah. And certainty we could replace with the word beliefs, but before we'll go, we'll go into, 'cause I wanna talk about some research of like how, because really what we're talking about is a belief in yourself.

[00:18:17] So if you believe. That guy can do what he said he could do for you through you and through you is key. That means you were called here for a specific reason. If you have that certainty, if you have that confidence, if you have that faith, if you have that belief, then things can happen. And I'm gonna talk about the research that supports this, but before we get there, I think we just have to define identity.

[00:18:37] And so I've been doing a lot of work on this. This is like my working de definition and I have to read it. I don't have it memorized, but. The definition of identity, I think is this is the unchanging God-given truth of who you are. It's aligned with your purpose. So it is not, your identity is not your purpose, but it's aligned with your purpose and it's empowered by the Holy Spirit to fulfill your assignment on earth [00:19:00] with two things.

[00:19:01] This is key with authority and peace, and I think a lot of times people. Will do things because they feel like they have authority, but they don't have the peace with it, and so they're, then they're like uneasy all the time. That is not identity, in my opinion. So like authority, meaning someone would listen to you and trust you if we talk about in the context of business, but it's peaceful in doing so, not a anxiousness and a worry, or like a neediness of like, oh my gosh, I hope this person signs up, or I hope this person would ever.

[00:19:32] Mm-hmm. So authority and peace and the peace comes from like, I know who I am. And you get to choose. And it doesn't really matter to me one way or another because I know what my identity is. 

[00:19:44] Yeah. 

[00:19:45] And I know who defines me. And whether you say 

[00:19:46] yes or no, doesn't mm-hmm. Have an impact on you. Exactly. And how you live your life.

[00:19:51] So if I'm worried that, oh, I just need more new patients. Because people don't stick with me. Mm-hmm. My question would be like, are [00:20:00] you really becoming the person that people would stick with in the first place, which would be more of your identity? Mm. Right. Um, does that make sense so far? I think so. So then the question, okay, so that's the definition, right?

[00:20:09] So there's a couple things in there is like, it's unchanging, it's from the day you were born. So sometimes you gotta ask like, what am I not to figure out who you are. Right? 

[00:20:21] Yeah. 

[00:20:21] So it's unchanging from the day you were born. It's aligned with purpose, right? So I think my purpose is to show people the God-given light and power that they have within them.

[00:20:30] Mm-hmm. That could change though. That could be chiropractic, it could be teaching, it could be something else in the future. It coaching, right? 'cause you were a teacher. It could be a bunch of different stuff. And then the last part is with authority and peace. It has to be with authority and with peace.

[00:20:42] You have to have both of those. So then we get into like, all right, well what things make up identity? So these are the things that make up, if you're looking for, like, here's the list. Right? And you mentioned some of these already. So one is core values, which we have our family core values. They overlap right perfectly with our office core values, uh, self-concept.

[00:20:57] So understanding who you are and what you believe [00:21:00] about yourself. Um, the roles we embody, we doing okay so far. What do you mean 

[00:21:06] by that? 

[00:21:07] Like just the role. So like a parent. Might be part of your identity, but it's not your whole identity. Mm-hmm. So if your kid makes a bad decision and you think you're a bad parent because they made a bad decision, you're literally putting your identity in your kid.

[00:21:19] Mm. 

[00:21:20] And that's not who you are. You're called to something higher than that, right? So that takes away peace. So therefore that can't be, your identity is just apparent. Um, so it's the roles we embody. So that's a piece of it. But like I said, there's components, the stories, purpose and calling that we have.

[00:21:35] So like the stories that we tell ourselves, what we believe about ourselves, we'll talk about the research in a second. It's so crazy. Our emotional signatures. So literally what emotions we carry. And then lastly, our patterns of behavior. So all of those things make up identity, but when we realize who we truly are, our patterns of behavior will change.

[00:21:53] I think our emotions will change. I think some of the way that we, the roles that we embody will be able to say no to certain [00:22:00] things in ways that would allow us to be more aligned with our true identity. Mm-hmm. If that makes sense. Yeah. So then what is like the research? So this is what's so cool, and I'll try to give, force me to give examples of each of these if I get too crazy and I just start ripping through research.

[00:22:16] Slow 

[00:22:16] down. All 

[00:22:17] right, so the first one, so the que, I guess the question would be is like that's, that sounds cool. From a theoretical framework. There's this big picture identity. But then if we look at what does the research say, and you've heard me talk about this before the study where they took the housekeepers.

[00:22:34] Yes. And they told half of them that they were athletes and they told the other half that they were just working and they weren't athletes. The people who were told they were athletes because they believed differently about themselves, their physiology changed. So they had more muscle mass, they had decreases in fat body, fat percentage.

[00:22:49] Uh, their blood pressure changed, so meaning their blood pressure actually got better. And there were just physiological measures that they saw change with the women who were told they were athletes as housekeepers, 

[00:22:59] weren't [00:23:00] they like more productive as well? Yeah, they were more productive. Yeah. They got 

[00:23:02] more done.

[00:23:03] Mm-hmm. Increase in muscle masters, just a bunch of stuff. So that would be, if they changed the way they saw themselves. Mm-hmm. And who they thought that they were, believed that they were. Their physiology changed. So then what are the other studies? So the first one is called the MILKSHAKE study. So this was done by a person last name's Cru in 2011.

[00:23:21] And this is basically what they did. So they took a group of people and they told half of them that they were gonna drink this milkshake and that it was indulgent, right? So it was like a dessert and it was gonna be so fulfilling. And then they took another group of people and they told them this is literally just like a sensible, smart.

[00:23:38] Healthy option. Mm-hmm. And healthy treat. And so what they found is that the indulgent group had a drop in garlin, which is a hormone released by the stomach that sends a signal to the brain that tells us we're no longer hungry. Okay? So it's like the hunger hormone. So what happened is, is the people who were told that they were eating this indulgent treat that would fill them up, that would be super [00:24:00] fulfilling.

[00:24:01] That thought process alone triggered their brain to turn off the hunger hormone. 

[00:24:08] So if I eat an apple and say to myself that it's indulgent ly 

[00:24:12] will pop up is what it would decrease. Oh, decrease. Okay. So that triggers the brain to say like, Hey, we're no longer hungry. We're satisfied. Got it. Versus the other group who is like, this is a sensible tree.

[00:24:24] It's smart, it's calor, it's like, good for your calories, or whatever. Mm-hmm. Those people felt more hungry because hormonally, their body changed '

[00:24:33] cause they didn't feel satisfied with having something healthy. 

[00:24:35] Exactly. Not because the milkshake changed, but because what they thought and what they were told about the milkshake changed.

[00:24:41] Mm. So the same thing. Same thing is true if you're taught your whole entire life that you're not good, you're not worthy, that you need to impress everybody. That you were just meant to be poor or broke or broken or whatever. Like there's all this stuff that gets put on us from the time that we're little.

[00:24:56] And if we believe those things, we can see literally from this study [00:25:00] that what happens physiologically is a result of what we believe in our heads. Yeah. And so if we change the belief, we can literally change our physiology. And if we change our physiology, we can be more in line with who God calls us to be.

[00:25:13] Which goes back to that definition of. Identity in the first place is the unchanging God given, unchanging. 

[00:25:24] I feel like that speaks so much to, um, well, me specifically, but like parents. How so? Meaning like what you say to your children, how you speak to your children, what you speak on them, um, is. Going to change how they, what they believe in themselves, what they believe that they can do, um, what they believe that they can like, achieve or not achieve, like how successful quote unquote, that they would be.

[00:25:53] Um, like it's a huge responsibility. As a parent. 

[00:25:57] Yeah, for sure. So let's, I'm gonna jump around a little bit [00:26:00] with the studies mm-hmm. Because that's a perfect segue to another study. So Carol Dweck, uh, she's kind of, um, she's like a pro in mindset and she's done a ton of research. She has a ton of studies out there.

[00:26:10] So I just picked and choose. I didn't do all of 'em, but Carol Dweck, she's amazing. Um, she has a book, I forget the name of her book, about willpower. Um. Anyway, it'll come to me. So Carol Dweck, in 1998, she did what? She had the, she calls a praise study. Okay. So the praise study was done, 405th graders. And so what they did is they took the fifth graders, and with some of them they told, they had them do an activity and then they told them, okay.

[00:26:35] You did a great job. And you are so smart and you're so intelligent. And they praise them based off of intelligence. Mm-hmm. The other group of kiddos, the achievements. Yeah. They praise them based on effort. Yeah. And you know this because we do this with cocoa, right. But they praise them based off of effort, and here's what they found.

[00:26:51] This is so crazy. So then they had them choose another task to do after. And so the kids who were praised on how intelligent [00:27:00] they were, chose a easier. Tasks that they had already done before. So the next time get the, the gold star so that they could get the gold star again and get their, so that they would be seen praised as smart again.

[00:27:11] And so they would get the praise off of being smart and intelligent. The other group of kiddos who were praised off of effort chose a harder and newer task. So if we talk about growth and identity mm-hmm. And becoming the true you. If you had been praised or our kids or whatever had been praised off of how intelligent we were, it's less likely that we would make tougher decisions that would lead us to building our identity, like up to what we are truly our true potential, I guess is a way to put it.

[00:27:39] Or you could like, tell me if I'm wrong about this, but, or it plays into like. The families that are like praising on the A's, a's a's, you're so smart. You're gonna be a doctor, you're gonna be a lawyer. And then those, those children grow up to be the doctors or the lawyers because they feel like that's what they [00:28:00] have to do because that's what they're parents we're praising them into.

[00:28:04] Um, but yet they're not happy and it's not who they were truly like wanting to be or designed to be. 

[00:28:11] Yeah. And we see it all the time where kids are like, they're. Only form of love and feelings of success come from praise. That's like not in line with identity at all. Right? And so like what Carol Dweck study, if you wanna boil it down, it kind of comes down to this, is that labels and perception affect someone's motivation.

[00:28:31] It affects someone's risk taking and it affects their perspective on life in general. And so being able to like take on harder things. So the other thing, this is the other part of the study that she found is that the kids who were praised on intelligence performed worse on the next task that they did based on that praise on intelligence, because then they had this fear.

[00:28:55] That they weren't gonna do as well as they did before. Mm. Versus the other kids, they didn't [00:29:00] care whether they did good or not because they knew that they gave their best effort. Right. And so when we talk about success, right, which isn't necessarily about success, it's about identity. But if your identity isn't rooted in me just being smart mm-hmm.

[00:29:13] And intelligent. Mm-hmm. Which we all are smart, intelligent in our own ways, but it's this very single-minded one track of intelligence that gets praised and then we don't want to step outside of that. To explore what our real identity would be. 

[00:29:28] Well, too, like wouldn't you say that if you're not putting effort in lots of different things early on, how are you truly gonna figure out what you're, yeah.

[00:29:38] God-given identity is like if you're only going on that one track, like you're not going to be motivated, as you were saying, to like put in effort and try something new and different and like see what happens there if it creates that joy and spark within you. 

[00:29:52] Yep. So that's the whole point, right? Is like praising in a certain way mm-hmm.

[00:29:56] Builds resilience in a certain way and it builds risk taking. So taking [00:30:00] risks to try new things. So that's the only way you're really gonna discover. It's a discovery process to figure out what your identity is. Mm. But then like fast forward that into business, for instance, how many people do you know who are like, uh, yeah.

[00:30:13] Like, I hate practicing this way, but I just really like, I there's not another way. And, and really it's all it is, is a perception. A lack of ability to take a risk that would allow them to express more of them true selves. And I had to ask this way, um, not too long ago. It's like, what would, if you had no constraints and you would build your business like the, just the way that you absolutely 100% wanted to be, does that reflect what you're doing right now today?

[00:30:45] I think most people would say, no, but, but I have to do it this way. And I'm like, well, you're not living in your true identity then. 

[00:30:50] That's a great question for like, anybody that's watching, whether they're a provider or not, like to ask themselves and write down like, what, what's really [00:31:00] true within that?

[00:31:00] Yeah. What does your dream life, ideal life look like? Yeah. At the best version of yourself and D, does it match what you have right now? Hmm. And if it doesn't, then you're probably not living your true identity. 

[00:31:11] Or are you like on that way too? Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:31:14] Yeah. 'cause again, it's a discovery process. Mm-hmm.

[00:31:16] It's not like, I wish that none of us had trauma or generational strongholds or any of this stuff that would take us off the track. But that's what the enemy's really good at doing is like knocking us off and getting us to believe that we're not good enough and we're not within our, that we're not, um.

[00:31:33] We're not who God says that we are. Yeah. And remember that identity is unchanging. You were born with it. So it's more than occupation. It's more than a vocation. It's more than a parent. It's more than a CrossFitter. It's more than a chiropractor. Mm-hmm. It's deeper than that. 

[00:31:52] Wouldn't it be cool if we were like five years old and we could figure it out at that age?

[00:31:56] Yeah. It'd be amazing. Yeah. But I think in some ways that like. [00:32:00] I think some ways kids do have it figured out, but then it gets beat outta them. Mm. Because they're told from everywhere that like, well, you're not good enough or You can't do that. Or Nobody can make money that way, or Nobody can succeed that way.

[00:32:11] We'll give an example like of that, 

[00:32:15] um, I mean, I would, I would guess I would use cocoa as like the closest example, but like, I think about cocoa. And we were at lunch date, I was telling you this, I think. 

[00:32:25] Mm-hmm. 

[00:32:25] And she said, daddy, can you help me figure out what I wanna do for a business when I grow up?

[00:32:31] And I said, well, what do you want to do? What do you wanna help people with? And I was like, you're such a great helper of people and you love people so much, but you could do a million different things to help them. Mm-hmm. So in that, I know this sounds so subtle, but I'm encouraging her, like she already just intrinsic, I never taught her to help people.

[00:32:51] Because I never grew up to help people. Right. I grew up to be out for myself. 

[00:32:55] You were that lone wolf. 

[00:32:57] Yeah, always. So like, where did she get that [00:33:00] from? Not from me. And I don't know that it was from you so much. Maybe a little bit. 

[00:33:05] No, it's definitely not for, 

[00:33:06] but, so I'm not saying that in a bad way, but I'm like somewhere in her, this girl just loves people.

[00:33:11] She, she has a heart to give and to love. She's such a nurture. Yes. And to help. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, I wanna foster that. So like, let's just go, okay. So if your identity's to help people, there's a million different ways you can do it, right? How do you wanna help people? What do you think would make people happy?

[00:33:25] And she's like, Hmm. I would really love to cook for people. And then we start dreaming of like, well, what would that look like? What would the restaurant look like? Would it be facet down? Would it be super expensive? What kind of ingredients? What would the wallpaper look like? What would always like just asking the questions 

[00:33:38] to her and allowing her to create like that critical thinking.

[00:33:42] Yep, exactly what she wants and desires. And that might 

[00:33:45] change, but I'm like, do you think that would bring joy to people? Do you think that would bring joy to people? And now she's like, she's just learning to think about what is her calling? 

[00:33:56] Yeah. Because ultimately, wouldn't you say that if [00:34:00] you are living within your true identity, you're automatically creating value for other people?

[00:34:05] Yeah. A hundred percent authority and peace. Mm-hmm. Authority means that you have influence over other people, not for the sake of having influence or because like influence sounds like such a bad thing, but like you're leading other people. Mm-hmm. And you can lead other people. Yeah. And when people see it, they know it and they're just like, dang, I can't.

[00:34:22] I can't knock on it because they clearly know exactly who they are. And so that's what I love so much about Coco, where she's at and like she's gonna have her own stuff to work through. I already know. 

[00:34:31] Sure. 

[00:34:32] But it's cool to see her because she just has this, like today she came downstairs with all of her rings, every ring and a whole bunch of bracelets on.

[00:34:40] And I'm like, you're gonna wear all those? And she said, no, I'm gonna give 'em to all my friends. And she said, except for this one, except for this bracelet. And I just thought that was. 

[00:34:49] That's huge. Yeah. Because if you don't know Coco, she is like the fanciest girl you will ever meet. She loves her jewelry.

[00:34:56] She loves her dresses. She would, if we would let her wear [00:35:00] heels, she would wear heels. Mm-hmm. Like this girl, she wants to be the fanciest of fancy. So to give away something that she values. Yeah. Is super important. 

[00:35:09] Yep. And that's like that somewhere, I don't know exactly what it looks like for her, and it'll be a discovery process for her.

[00:35:16] It's not for me to figure out. Mm-hmm. But part of her that I've seen that is unchanging thus far is that she just loves people and she loves to give and loves to help make other people happy. Mm-hmm. Not as a people pleaser, but because she can still go her own way and do her own thing. But she had such a certainty when she's like, I'm gonna give away all my rings.

[00:35:33] And I was like, are you sure you want to give away all those rings? And she said, yeah, except for my unicorn one on my pinky and this bracelet. And I was like, like, you have me convinced. 

[00:35:43] Yeah. So that's 

[00:35:44] amazing. 

[00:35:45] I just love to like, not to keep talking about cocoa, but I'm just gonna do it because I just wanna brag on her because she's like, she is so nurturing and loving.

[00:35:53] Mm-hmm. Like when she is celebrating a friend's birthday, she intention, she's [00:36:00] so intentional. Intentional about the gift that she purchases Yep. For her friend and picks out she, she knows exactly like what they love and what they would like, and she thinks about them so much and then like when she's celebrating them like at a birthday party, it's so joyful to watch because.

[00:36:18] All she cares about is making sure that they are the center of attention. Like just making sure that they are having so much fun and she's just like lifting them up so much. Like she's gonna do some big things in this world. I'm like so excited and 

[00:36:31] it's, yeah, it's like that's her, that's part of her identity.

[00:36:34] That's like an unchanging piece of her, but. It can change if she gets it knocked out of her right through school, through the way that we parent, through other experiences that are for sure happen to her. So it's just, there's so many things teaching her how to stay grounded in that because that's what's real and that's just how she, like I, I'm literally the opposite of that.

[00:36:53] I go to a party and I'm like, I hope somebody will ask me about chiropractic so I can talk about something that I'm confident about talking about. Or, [00:37:00] or you'll sit by the wall and not talk, talk and not talk to any, yeah. So it's like, like, yeah, it's just different. So I'm not, obviously that's not the best thing ever, but this is all the stuff that I'm working on.

[00:37:07] So, um, and like, boy, I have two more studies that I wanna share and then we'll talk about takeaways. So. Um, there's another one mostly in 2002, did this thing called a placebo study. So they did arthroscopic knee surgery. Mm-hmm. On people. I think it was only males that had knee pain. So they took half the group, they did a fake sham surgery, and the other group they did, uh, real surgery.

[00:37:29] Okay. Both had equal results of reduction in pain, increases in mobility, et cetera, et cetera. So again, the question is like, how is that possible? Yeah. Right. If the other group didn't even really get the surgery, the belief. It's called the placebo study for a reason. The belief that the surgery was going to work worked regardless of whether they actually had surgery or not.

[00:37:53] So again, if we think about identity and then we talk about what are all the things that I mentioned before, your core values, your [00:38:00] self-concept, uh, the roles we embody, the stories that we tell ourselves about whether life is good or not good. Um, our purpose in calling our emotional signatures, our patterns of behavior.

[00:38:10] Mm-hmm. Like those things can literally change. Just based on what someone believes. Hmm. So again, if you don't have an awareness that you are insecure because you don't have a certain number of new patients in your office, or your business isn't into a certain like revenue amount or because you don't have a significant other, or because you don't have kids or whatever, el because you don't have a certain car, like there's so much stuff.

[00:38:36] If you're insecure in that. Your beliefs and your stories and your patterns or behavior are going to reflect something that's not your true identity in the first place. Right. And then that gets picked up everywhere because everybody else can sense it. 

[00:38:47] Mm-hmm. It reminds me of, um, the secret. 

[00:38:52] Yeah. 

[00:38:53] But like, it's just talking about like, yes, you attract what you believe and things like that, but really it's [00:39:00] you're being who you truly are supposed 

[00:39:02] to be.

[00:39:02] That is the, like, that's the whole thing. Yeah. Is like the secret. It. I don't know. It's not a secret. The research literally says that this is true. So then like Carol Dweck last one, and then we'll not talk about research anymore, but she, there's multiple studies. She like the growth versus a fixed mindset.

[00:39:18] The growth mindset always outperforms. Hmm. So the idea again is like what you believe in the emotional signature signature that you have on things and on your life are going to shape what is expressed. So. Again, let's just go back to the example. I'll ask the question. If I believe that I'm not worthy and I believe that I'm not a good enough chiropractor to help X, Y, Z, but I'm gonna go seek out a new marketing strategy, or Facebook ads or whatever, I'm gonna get my 90 new patients and they're all gonna fade away 'cause I have the exact same identity and I never really helped anyone in the first place.

[00:39:58] Mm-hmm. Because I [00:40:00] never stepped into what was actually possible. And we know based on all these studies, like if someone's physiology can literally change because of they thought they got a surgery, I'm pretty sure that if you believed you were worth making more money, you would actually make more money.

[00:40:13] Yeah. Well like the belief in like the words you speak, they're interchangeable. 

[00:40:18] Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:19] And if you remember, we were, uh, pastor. Jergen. Yep. Do you remember what was, share a little bit about like what he was saying, because I feel like that was very impactful for us. 

[00:40:32] The words and the words and spells. Yeah.

[00:40:33] Yeah. So the, oh man, this is so good. Um, so the words, this is how he said it. He said that. Every word has a spelling. Mm-hmm. So this means that every word cast a spell. Okay. So you gotta think like words are literally have the power to be magic. So every word has the ability to cast a spell. 'cause every word has a spelling.

[00:40:53] But then we form words together and those create, do you remember? 

[00:40:59] You can say 

[00:40:59] [00:41:00] sentences. So if I were going to steal. I go in front of a judge, what's the judge going to give me? 

[00:41:06] A 

[00:41:07] sentence. A sentence. So every word has a spell that can be cast. And every sentence or every collection of words, a collection of spells can cast a sentence over myself or someone else's life.

[00:41:20] So that growth mindset versus stunting growth mindset 

[00:41:23] versus a fixed mindset. Mm-hmm. This is all I'm ever gonna be. I'm not capable of it. I'm not worthy of it. But the problem is, is that a lot of times I think people don't even realize what stuff they're putting in their brain or has already been put in their brain, and it literally takes unpeeling to get the understanding that like you, what you put your identity in and what you put your belief in and what you put your hope into.

[00:41:52] Is probably something that has just been a series of spells and sentences cast over you pretty much your whole life. Mm-hmm. From your parents, from something that [00:42:00] happened in Little League Baseball that. Just wasn't true. Like, I'll give you a perfect example of this. I was gonna say, is 

[00:42:06] there a story there?

[00:42:07] Yes. Um, 

[00:42:08] and it's just, I haven't even thought of this before. Yeah. But it's coming up right now in the moment. So obviously it's important for some reason. Yeah. But this is how we unravel identity. But nobody does this. So I was in, I had baseball game, I was starting, I was in the outfield and during warmups, coaches like hitting balls to us.

[00:42:23] And I'm dropping every single ball, every ball go, like goes quote unquote, right through my mit and after like. Five or six balls. The coach pauses for a second and he goes over and tells the head coach, and we get back to the dugout. We go hit a couple more. I miss them all. Get back to the dugout and they're like, Kimberly, you're out.

[00:42:44] You're not starting anymore. This other person is gonna start instead. So I'm like, heartbroken be. And I look down at my glove and my glove, literally the leather that holds like the in the cup was ripped out. The balls were literally going through my glove. 

[00:42:58] Oh. Like physically? [00:43:00] They were physically, it wasnt just physically, my glove was 

[00:43:01] ripped open and the baseball was going through my mit, so all these balls that I caught, uhhuh were just falling outta my glove.

[00:43:07] Aw. Um, but I got put on the bench. Right. So then, and I tried to tell the coach, I'm like, coach, I, I missed all these. And like, he wouldn't even listen to me. Right. So I like. Somewhere in me from that age, there's like this little tiny trauma that like, Hey, even if you tell the truth, they're not gonna listen to you anyway, so you might as well just sit there and take it and shut up.

[00:43:33] And so what happens? Then I show up and I'm like, well, I'm not worthy to talk about this. And it shows up in my language all the time where I tell people, I'm like, I don't, you probably won't think it's that cool, but I do. And it like minimizes everything that I have to say and everything that I'm passionate about because of one.

[00:43:49] And there are more events I'm sure, but like that singular event. 

[00:43:51] Mm-hmm. 

[00:43:52] Where I actually tried to tell the truth to someone and they didn't want to hear it. So then I'm like, well, my words aren't worthy. [00:44:00] 

[00:44:00] That's so sad. 

[00:44:01] And so like, but this happens to people all the time. All the time. A 

[00:44:05] lot of times with parents and kids.

[00:44:07] Yeah. One or 

[00:44:07] athletes and coaches. 

[00:44:09] Athletes and coaches. Kids and teachers. One of my mentors, he had. They built these, um, milk carton, this is Gunderson. Mm-hmm. They built these like milk carton things, and I can't remember what the story was, but like his teacher basically wouldn't let him take his home to show his family.

[00:44:23] And so like, he just felt unworthy because he wasn't able to like take this thing home as a kid in kindergarten or whatever it was. And I don't remember the whole story, but he tells it in one of his books or one of his videos somewhere. And it's like those kind of things literally shape our false identity.

[00:44:39] That we have rooted in other people and other sentences and other spells, et cetera. And it all just gets back to the things that we believe, the things that we think, the words that we use, the emotional signatures that we have, the stories that we tell ourselves. All that stuff is not our identity, but we try to sh we try to anchor our [00:45:00] identity to something that's actually not real.

[00:45:04] Because there's nobody really telling us. Mm-hmm. Or showing us Yeah. How to, 

[00:45:09] they're just trying to say, yeah. Instead of change your identity, just go do another hack tactic, strategy, whatever. Yeah. But you gotta change your identity. That's what it starts with. 

[00:45:18] Yeah. So tell us like some takeaways with how to actually.

[00:45:23] Yeah, do that. 

[00:45:24] Yeah. So first takeaway is this is that physiology follows your perception of identity. So if you think of yourself as like, I'm the master and the best of the best in this area. Mm-hmm. Your physiology will follow that. So if I think that I'm bad at something and I think that I'm terrible, or I'm not a good person, or I'm not worthy, that triggers stress response.

[00:45:43] Stress response weakens a part of the brain that's responsible for success. So your ability to be successful is dependent on. What you see your identity as, and it's getting to the true one that's key. Does that make sense? 

[00:45:57] Yeah. I mean, like we have a story [00:46:00] of some, how many people that have been under care, the, the frontal cortex finally turned on.

[00:46:09] Mm-hmm. They felt safe enough to actually move in out of state. 

[00:46:13] Yep. 

[00:46:13] And do what they were called to do. 

[00:46:15] Yeah. Because there's a level of safety, but. They didn't have true identity. 'cause their parents told them like, oh, you can never move outta state. Mm-hmm. Like, oh, that's too expensive. That's too whatever.

[00:46:26] So they're disempowered. Mm-hmm. Even though they knew they were destined for more. I had a conversation with a woman yesterday and I'm like, did you ever consider that you actually have like crazy, crazy skills and you could charge a lot of money for like three smaller sized businesses than working with this big corporation that you don't even really love to work with?

[00:46:42] Mm-hmm. And like she stopped in that moment and she's like.

[00:46:49] Yeah, she had never considered it before, like literally never considered it. And so there's this moment of like her true identity waking up and she's like, she's great at [00:47:00] marketing and advertising. Mm-hmm. Great At it like world class. But she thought she would always have to do it inside a big corporation.

[00:47:08] But I'm like, you know, you could take that anywhere 'cause that's not your true identity. That's right. Your skill is to be able to bring a brand to life. Like that's part of her. I think that's part of her true identity. That's, and I can see it just in the way we talk to her. 

[00:47:20] That's super special that you like.

[00:47:22] Brought that to our attention. 

[00:47:23] Yeah. But nobody speaks it. Right. Right. Everywhere else you go, it's like, well take this medicine because you have anxiety, because you're broken and we'll fix you. Mm-hmm. But you need to be fixed by something else on the outside. Yeah. Whereas like here, I think that's what we all have experienced is like you step in here and this is just a different world and a different place on purpose.

[00:47:41] Yeah. It's all intentional. Yeah. 'cause 

[00:47:42] it's so much more than like the pain. 

[00:47:46] Yeah. 

[00:47:47] Like people's lives are literally. They're finding who they were meant to be. 

[00:47:52] For sure. So here's the next one. This is the most important one. I think what you believe is more important than the [00:48:00] thing that you are actually doing.

[00:48:01] So what you believe about the thing you're doing is more important than the thing you're actually doing. 

[00:48:05] Okay? Give us an example with that. 

[00:48:06] So if I am doing a, let's just say I'm doing a coaching program, right? And, but I still believe that I'm not worthy or I'm not good enough, or I can't do it. Like I can't be as good as they can, or, and a lot of the programs work this way is like, I'm just trying to, I'm trying to achieve what that person achieved.

[00:48:23] Mm. Well the problem with that is that when you do that, literally what's happening is that your creating a physiology that says you're not worthy enough, you're not as worthy as that other person. So. More important than the thing that you were doing, marketing, advertising, communicating, whatever is your belief about that thing.

[00:48:44] Does this make sense? 

[00:48:45] Yes. I just feel like that this is so powerful right now because like you're talking about. All these other coaching programs and like they're hooking people in to achieve what they specifically are achieving. 

[00:48:59] Mm-hmm. [00:49:00] 

[00:49:00] The seven figure practices and so many new clients in the door, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:49:05] But like, I lost my words right now, but like, you're not coaching them to be who they were really meant to be. Mm-hmm. And yes, go ahead. You're 

[00:49:19] coaching, they're getting coached to do. Something like someone else that is not within their true identity in the first place, which 

[00:49:26] is almost like imposter syndrome.

[00:49:28] Yeah. And like I, I think imposter syndrome's like a little different in the sense of, 

[00:49:35] or like that comparison game. 

[00:49:36] Yeah. But if you compare that implied in that is that you're not good enough. But the identity piece is rooted in the fact that you are good enough. Right. And that you are, were like, you were already like.

[00:49:50] Literally the ultimate cost was paid for you to be here. In my opinion, if you read the Bible, Jesus was [00:50:00] the cost. And you get to be here and you have a special, unique identity that is unlike anybody else's. And if you chase that, like you can chase some things that people have. Like it would be cool if there were practices like this one all over.

[00:50:13] Like, I'm not gonna lie, I think that would be amazing. Mm. But I don't want people to do it like me. I want people to do it where it's. Their identity bleeds through their practice and the music that they listen to and the way that they get to serve people and the way that con have conversations with people, the tactics on top of it are great.

[00:50:27] Mm-hmm. But they have to know who they truly are first. 'cause if they're just seeking to do it like me, then like they're gonna miss it in the first place. 

[00:50:33] Yeah. 

[00:50:34] And that's what I've tried to encourage with everybody here in the office is like, I need you to want to do it like you. Yeah. I wanna know what your five year goals are so we can get you there.

[00:50:41] Not where I think you should be. 

[00:50:43] Right. 

[00:50:44] It is just different. So that's key takeaway number two, what you believe about the thing that you're doing is more important than the thing that you are actually doing. The tactics don't matter. It's what you believe about them. That matters way, way more. But if you don't have identity, then you can't praise, [00:51:00] uh, shapes what you believe and what you do.

[00:51:06] More than anything. And then lastly, circumstances not matter. Uh, what actually matters is belief in the possibility of that reality. So again, going back to belief, if you believe that you can have X, Y, Z mm-hmm. Then you can legitimately do it. 

[00:51:19] Mm-hmm. 

[00:51:19] And this is why, like there's so many places in the Bible that are all rooted in identity.

[00:51:24] Like this is what God says about you, that you are loved, that you are cared for, that you are, there's all these places, right? 

[00:51:29] Yeah. 

[00:51:30] Um. But if we ignore those, then we're not gonna express our true identity. Last little bit. I think there's four buckets of identity that we have to cover so people kind of understand, like if you're looking for a, I could say a framework or a way to start to address, like, this is my question.

[00:51:49] As I started studying identity, I'm like, okay, that's great, but what do I do with all that stuff? 

[00:51:53] Yeah, 

[00:51:53] right. Because it's not very practical and it's a high level concept to think about identity of like, who am I truly. [00:52:00] It's not my job. It's something way more deep than that. How do I start to discover it?

[00:52:05] So I think the first thing to do is look at your core beliefs like core values. Uh, it could be core values. I think core values is a part of it, right? But those could change over time. Ours haven't luckily, because I think we've done a pretty good job of valuing things that are outside of like business and life, et cetera.

[00:52:21] Mm-hmm. Um, but these are the root level assumptions that you hold about life. So just start looking at like, what are your core beliefs? Like, is life generally good? Do you generally feel like you can be successful and create whatever you want? Is it something different than that? So your core beliefs are gonna shape your identity.

[00:52:36] So that's a first bucket. Yeah. 

[00:52:39] Yeah. 

[00:52:40] Next is your self-concept. So who do you think that you are? So for a lot of my life I thought that, oh, I'm an addict. Oh, I'm a loser. Oh, I'm not good enough. Oh, everybody's better than me. Well, of course my reality's gonna show up that way. Mm-hmm. Right. And that goes back into the [00:53:00] studies that we talked about that are identity.

[00:53:01] So the second, so first one is core beliefs that you have. Second one is self-concept. Third one is patterns of behavior. So what you do and how you show up. So physically what you are doing. So a lot of times people will tell me, I'm committed to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then. They're only committed enough to say, use their words.

[00:53:22] Because how many people have said like, dude, I wanna lose 15 pounds. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but I won't count my macros, but I won't cut out carbs. Yeah, but I can't cut out alcohol. It's, it's too hard for me to cut out alcohol because I just, I have all these meanings all the time with all these people.

[00:53:36] Guess what you just say? No. But like your identity or your false identity is rooting in some rooted in something else. That's just a pattern of behavior. Mm-hmm. So your patterns of behavior will start to change and upgrade as you get more closer to your true identity. And the last one is your emotional signature.

[00:53:53] How safe, worthy, empowered do you feel like you are? And so [00:54:00] interesting that that last level has everything to do with the brain. Mm. The frontal cortex is a part of the brain. That tells the rest of the brain that, hey, it's safe to take risk to do these things, but if you feel unsafe all the time, it tells us you have a weak frontal.

[00:54:15] And then if you have a weak frontal, then you're gonna feel unsafe all the time. And it's a vicious cycle and you stay stuck in it. 

[00:54:21] Yeah, I like 

[00:54:24] it. Yeah. So identity, identity identities, it's more, it's the most important thing. It's more important than tactics. It's more important than hacks. It's more important than any strategy.

[00:54:34] You gotta figure out who. You are truly and who you were created to be. And I just gotta reiterate one more time, that definition of identity is the unchanging God given truth of who you actually are. But it's aligned with purpose and empowered by the Holy Spirit, and it comes with authority and peace.

[00:54:57] You have to have all those components. 

[00:54:58] Hmm. So [00:55:00] good. 

[00:55:00] Yep. Anything else before we go? No, fam, we love you. Thank you for listening. I would encourage you go like, work on your identity. Do the first step. So start looking at your core beliefs. Start looking at how you show up. Looking at your patterns of behavior.

[00:55:14] Um, looking at your self's concept and your emotional signature. Those things are gonna be the things that absolutely start to transform not only your practice, but your life, your relationships. I've seen it happen in mine. If you want help or guidance or whatever it is, if you need resources on these things, all you have to do is reach out.

[00:55:33] You can follow me at Dr. Daniel Kimley and just let me know. Send me a DM and say, Hey, I watched your identity episode and I want more, and I'll send you the free stuff on how you can start working on this on your own. I love you so much. We appreciate you, and we'll come at you next week. Peace.